there are times when i feel like writing - an activity that was more than a pastime or hobby; writing was my personal identifier. now, i don't even know that girl who used to write. She used to need to ink pages and deplete her brain of every thought, every complaint, observation, feeling. She was cool. Independent. Outspoken. young.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, June 19, 2010
my saturday...gangsta style
i walked through the Esplanade today. it was a nice day to walk through the park. surprisingly, the ducks were all swimming in the pond as opposed to attacking people for bread. i wondered, despite how many people are "feeding the ducks", if the ducks are less inclined to eat at a specific time of day? did the three families (parents+kids) with their whole loaves of bread get to the pond at the wrong time; were the ducks too busy taking their much needed afternoon swim?
i walked up to the park cafe and ordered a flat white (latte). luckily for me, i caught them 6 minutes before they closed. i sat outside and read some of my book. unfortunately, i had to drink quickly thereby canceling my planned "leisure time".
i came home and watched a silly game show hosted by Donnie Osman. It's an English game show where one contestant has to guess strangers' identity (profession) for money. kinda interesting. made me think about just how much appearance can say about a person. the contestant did really well in the game and took home $4000(Pounds). She guessed the following correctly:
i saw the spider; black, leggy and bigger than your normal house spider. it looked hungry. i still feel awful.
i've spent the last two hours drawing and thinking of fun ways to tell my boyfriend i love him. he comes home in a couple of days. i'm excited!
and that is how i spent my saturday...gangsta style.
i walked up to the park cafe and ordered a flat white (latte). luckily for me, i caught them 6 minutes before they closed. i sat outside and read some of my book. unfortunately, i had to drink quickly thereby canceling my planned "leisure time".
i came home and watched a silly game show hosted by Donnie Osman. It's an English game show where one contestant has to guess strangers' identity (profession) for money. kinda interesting. made me think about just how much appearance can say about a person. the contestant did really well in the game and took home $4000(Pounds). She guessed the following correctly:
- a general practioner
- a microbiologist or something of the science profession
- a grandfather of 5
- "born in New Zealand"
- a professional canoeist
- welder
- and a few more professions..
i saw the spider; black, leggy and bigger than your normal house spider. it looked hungry. i still feel awful.
i've spent the last two hours drawing and thinking of fun ways to tell my boyfriend i love him. he comes home in a couple of days. i'm excited!
and that is how i spent my saturday...gangsta style.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
quiet + loud all at the same time.
Music Master
You that love lovers,
this is your home. Welcome!
In the midst of making form, love
made this form that melts form,
with love for the door,
soul the vestibule.
Watch the dust grains moving
in the light near the window.
Their dance is our dance.
We rarely hear the inward music,
but we're all dancing to it nevertheless,
directed by the one who teaches us,
the pure joy of the sun,
our music master.
When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for these two insomnias!
And the difference between them.
The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste this minute of eternity.
We are pain and what cures pain, both.
We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours.
I want to hold you close like a lute,
so we can cry out with loving.
You would rather throw stones at a mirror?
I am your mirror, and here are the stones.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Dear Tedd,
Since our last email, about a month ago, I've been mentally composing a letter to you thinking of all the things I can tell you about New Zealand. First, I am truly excited about your year long adventure. Are you doing that organic farming program in "Aotearoa"? Other than experiencing the Kiwi lifestyle, what will you be doing for work? My personal experiences and of those of other American visitors, finding employment has been difficult. I've learned that it is definitely best to find work through networking.
I'm certain that along your way, you will hear all about the "must see" natural beauties of New Zealand. The south island is filled with such beautiful indescribable landscapes, you will feel guilt from taking photos: the various sounds (Milford Sound and Doubtful Sound), the tourist dwellings of Queenstown, Invercargill (one of the southernmost city in the world), the comfortable nest of Christchurch. My favorite city in the south island is Wanaka. It was the most comfortable backpacking city filled with fellow backpackers and young people. Also so gorgeous, you wonder how God made such a special place. The north island is just as exquisite as the south but on a different plane; in my opinion, it appears to be more metropolitan and urban such as Wellington (capital of NZ) and Auckland. There is so much more that you will experience than I have, especially with your length of stay.
People will ask you about America and if pop culture is truly what it seems. Be prepared to answer questions about Jersey Shore and the phenomena that which is known as the "fist pump". You will also be questioned about sexual deviance portrayed in the American Pie movie series; your personal take on politics (which will represent America in general) and/or be asked as to why certain international political actions were taken by Americans in any given debate; and what is so effen great about baseball or grind iron (American football).
Kiwis are quite friendly and are willing to engage in conversation. I will caution you that American sarcasm is not easily translated. I know I can tell a bad story and/or joke, however, there are times when things simply do not translate. Don't worry. They will laugh regardless.
"Tui" beer is quite popular especially in the north island. When ordering a strong alcoholic beverage, i.e. whiskey coke, be sure to ask for a double shot of whiskey. What constitutes as one American full shot is usually half in Kiwi bartender lingo. Ordering coffee is tricky. I haven't had any luck with ordering filtered coffee yet. Tall black is 2 shots of espresso NOT black coffee. Flat whites are delicious! - steamed milk and espresso.
Kiwis are actually funny looking birds especially if you see a toy stuffed animal depiction of one. But in real life, they are super cute. New Zealanders do not like possums (feel free to see my previous post which has photo of a dead possum).
Take advantage of fish & chip shops. Note: $5 NZD will go a very long way. If you come across the opportunity for a fried Moro bar - Do It. You will feel sugar comatose after, but it's worth doing at least once in your life. Also, don't be alarmed when you find out fast food chains' proportions are significantly smaller than what we Americans are used to. A good thing is, you won't feel as gross eating Maccers (McDonalds) when you see your large "chips" (fries) & coke are actually an American small.
While here be sure to purchase a special piece of green stone. Do not pick paua shells or rocks or green stone from rivers. It's thought to be disrespectful and will bring you bad luck. Purchase such from a legit seller.
The All Blacks are the country's national rugby team. You'll learn that there are regional rugby teams. Canterbury Rugby (relates to the south) is thought to be the best rugby in the world. There is also a sport called "rugby league". It is much faster than regular rugby.
Rugby is so much fun to watch! Once you understand the game, you will totally dig it. Know this: in rugby you aren't allowed to pass forward. You can only pass sideways. Also, a rugby "touchdown" known as a "try" is worth 5pts. The "field goal" known as the "conversion kick" is worth 3pts. It is an 80 minute game. The essential rules of rugby is the same as grid iron.
Everything is "pay as you go" including cell phone plans, rent (which is paid weekly), utilities, etc.
If you're Wellington and want to get a Kiwi haircut, let me know and I'll refer you to the man who cuts the U.S. Eagles Rugby team's hair. If you're interested in getting a Maori tattoo, investigate more into it. It's quite sacred and possibly frowned upon if a foreigner got one. Not too sure.. One more thing, if you can see the new Kiwi movie, BOY, I highly suggest watching it. It's really good and the country is very proud of its success.
Tedder, these are my little tid-bits that I've gathered while being here. I am more than certain you will have very different and maybe even more exciting experiences than I. I know you are going to have an amazing time. I know it.
Sincerely,
Doty doty doty.
I'm certain that along your way, you will hear all about the "must see" natural beauties of New Zealand. The south island is filled with such beautiful indescribable landscapes, you will feel guilt from taking photos: the various sounds (Milford Sound and Doubtful Sound), the tourist dwellings of Queenstown, Invercargill (one of the southernmost city in the world), the comfortable nest of Christchurch. My favorite city in the south island is Wanaka. It was the most comfortable backpacking city filled with fellow backpackers and young people. Also so gorgeous, you wonder how God made such a special place. The north island is just as exquisite as the south but on a different plane; in my opinion, it appears to be more metropolitan and urban such as Wellington (capital of NZ) and Auckland. There is so much more that you will experience than I have, especially with your length of stay.
People will ask you about America and if pop culture is truly what it seems. Be prepared to answer questions about Jersey Shore and the phenomena that which is known as the "fist pump". You will also be questioned about sexual deviance portrayed in the American Pie movie series; your personal take on politics (which will represent America in general) and/or be asked as to why certain international political actions were taken by Americans in any given debate; and what is so effen great about baseball or grind iron (American football).
Kiwis are quite friendly and are willing to engage in conversation. I will caution you that American sarcasm is not easily translated. I know I can tell a bad story and/or joke, however, there are times when things simply do not translate. Don't worry. They will laugh regardless.
"Tui" beer is quite popular especially in the north island. When ordering a strong alcoholic beverage, i.e. whiskey coke, be sure to ask for a double shot of whiskey. What constitutes as one American full shot is usually half in Kiwi bartender lingo. Ordering coffee is tricky. I haven't had any luck with ordering filtered coffee yet. Tall black is 2 shots of espresso NOT black coffee. Flat whites are delicious! - steamed milk and espresso.
Kiwis are actually funny looking birds especially if you see a toy stuffed animal depiction of one. But in real life, they are super cute. New Zealanders do not like possums (feel free to see my previous post which has photo of a dead possum).
Take advantage of fish & chip shops. Note: $5 NZD will go a very long way. If you come across the opportunity for a fried Moro bar - Do It. You will feel sugar comatose after, but it's worth doing at least once in your life. Also, don't be alarmed when you find out fast food chains' proportions are significantly smaller than what we Americans are used to. A good thing is, you won't feel as gross eating Maccers (McDonalds) when you see your large "chips" (fries) & coke are actually an American small.
While here be sure to purchase a special piece of green stone. Do not pick paua shells or rocks or green stone from rivers. It's thought to be disrespectful and will bring you bad luck. Purchase such from a legit seller.
The All Blacks are the country's national rugby team. You'll learn that there are regional rugby teams. Canterbury Rugby (relates to the south) is thought to be the best rugby in the world. There is also a sport called "rugby league". It is much faster than regular rugby.
Rugby is so much fun to watch! Once you understand the game, you will totally dig it. Know this: in rugby you aren't allowed to pass forward. You can only pass sideways. Also, a rugby "touchdown" known as a "try" is worth 5pts. The "field goal" known as the "conversion kick" is worth 3pts. It is an 80 minute game. The essential rules of rugby is the same as grid iron.
Everything is "pay as you go" including cell phone plans, rent (which is paid weekly), utilities, etc.
If you're Wellington and want to get a Kiwi haircut, let me know and I'll refer you to the man who cuts the U.S. Eagles Rugby team's hair. If you're interested in getting a Maori tattoo, investigate more into it. It's quite sacred and possibly frowned upon if a foreigner got one. Not too sure.. One more thing, if you can see the new Kiwi movie, BOY, I highly suggest watching it. It's really good and the country is very proud of its success.
Tedder, these are my little tid-bits that I've gathered while being here. I am more than certain you will have very different and maybe even more exciting experiences than I. I know you are going to have an amazing time. I know it.
Sincerely,
Doty doty doty.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
blue ties.
Every show and movie I've watched today, someone was wearing a blue tie. Fight Club, the featured Saturday night movie on local television, the boss man wore cornflower blue ties. The memory eraser doctor on Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, wears a blue tie and white lab coat. The countless episodes of How I Met Your Mother; I'm certain that Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) wears some sort of blue cravat.
Last night was an amazing night for me. I went to a Katchafire concert by myself, danced the night away, met some cool cats, and ate late night fish & chips -- a $5 value meal which provided 3 meals. I came home elated, jubilant, and crazy in love. Chances on my side, I was able to revel in the momentous evening with my boyfriend via Skype. Seeing him I felt like reciting all of Rumi's love poems, the Corinthians, cheesy overpriced screen print cards and their cliche yet all the right words card messages to him. I went to bed and slept like a baby.
Tonight is not as adventurous. In fact, tonight, Saturday night, is rather boring and lonely.
Having spent last night drinking, I slept in today. There was no real pertinent tangible reason for me to get up. With my curtains drawn my room simulated night and I was warm and cozy under my sheep skin rug/blanket. Then the driving mantra of my existence, Carpe Diem! pushed my out of bed and into the shower. It was 1130am.
I toyed with the idea of catching a movie by myself then possibly meeting up with the people I met last night for a drink. I called Air New Zealand to reschedule my trip to Australia. I was going to leave tomorrow. The man on the other line, Trevor, was the most conversation I had had all day. Aside from business, we compared American apples with Kiwi oranges. It was the first conversation I've had with a Kiwi that didn't feel forced. Yes he was helping me with my ticket situation but the conversation itself wasn't part of his job script. He wasn't associated with the rugby club nor was he attempting to hit on me. He was a stranger actually interested in our chat. It was nice. Pleasant to my ear. I cooked spaghetti making homemade pasta sauce. I didn't have any defrosted ground beef and thought about how my boyfriend prefers everything with meat. I missed him while I cooked. Time slipped away and I concluded that tonight was the night to go out. A decision dependent solely on financial reasons.
Not long after I sat down to eat my spaghetti and side of broccoli, my roommate Mike went to bed. It was around 9pm. I watched Fight Club anxiously anticipating the scene when he realizes he is Trevor and starts beating himself up. When it got to that part, I waited too long that I lost interest at the end. I sneaked into Mike's tobacco and rolled myself a cigarette. Somewhere in the middle of the film, I started drinking a beer. I walked out onto the back deck, sat in the dark and smoked my stolen cigarette and drank my half empty bottle of beer. I hadn't had a smoke in so long my cig kept blowing out. I also don't think I roll cigarettes well. Like I said, it had been a while and will be again.
It was a cloudy night. I couldn't see any stars. On a clear night, New Zealand night skies are lit with boundless stars. I think I may have even seen the Milky Way a time or two. Sadly, that wasn't tonight.
Smoking in the cold is as familiar to me as the wooden floors of my family home.
I wondered about my friend Tedd. He's coming to New Zealand in September living here for a whole year. I wondered about what experiences he will have and if he would ever feel as lonely as I was when I smoking on the deck. He will have an indescribable time. I imagine him getting along with the guys in pubs, meeting other backpackers, drawing on napkins, laughter and then quiet nights staring at the stars surrounded by newness and people. He won't be set in one place. He'll be free to do as he pleases. Unlike me, he isn't waiting for someone to come back. I'm excited for Tedd. He's my friend.
I suppose I could just go to bed now. For most the day is over unless you are out partying, then your night is just beginning.
Oh well...so another one bites the dust and today was a "Sunday" Saturday.
Last night was an amazing night for me. I went to a Katchafire concert by myself, danced the night away, met some cool cats, and ate late night fish & chips -- a $5 value meal which provided 3 meals. I came home elated, jubilant, and crazy in love. Chances on my side, I was able to revel in the momentous evening with my boyfriend via Skype. Seeing him I felt like reciting all of Rumi's love poems, the Corinthians, cheesy overpriced screen print cards and their cliche yet all the right words card messages to him. I went to bed and slept like a baby.
Tonight is not as adventurous. In fact, tonight, Saturday night, is rather boring and lonely.
Having spent last night drinking, I slept in today. There was no real pertinent tangible reason for me to get up. With my curtains drawn my room simulated night and I was warm and cozy under my sheep skin rug/blanket. Then the driving mantra of my existence, Carpe Diem! pushed my out of bed and into the shower. It was 1130am.
I toyed with the idea of catching a movie by myself then possibly meeting up with the people I met last night for a drink. I called Air New Zealand to reschedule my trip to Australia. I was going to leave tomorrow. The man on the other line, Trevor, was the most conversation I had had all day. Aside from business, we compared American apples with Kiwi oranges. It was the first conversation I've had with a Kiwi that didn't feel forced. Yes he was helping me with my ticket situation but the conversation itself wasn't part of his job script. He wasn't associated with the rugby club nor was he attempting to hit on me. He was a stranger actually interested in our chat. It was nice. Pleasant to my ear. I cooked spaghetti making homemade pasta sauce. I didn't have any defrosted ground beef and thought about how my boyfriend prefers everything with meat. I missed him while I cooked. Time slipped away and I concluded that tonight was the night to go out. A decision dependent solely on financial reasons.
Not long after I sat down to eat my spaghetti and side of broccoli, my roommate Mike went to bed. It was around 9pm. I watched Fight Club anxiously anticipating the scene when he realizes he is Trevor and starts beating himself up. When it got to that part, I waited too long that I lost interest at the end. I sneaked into Mike's tobacco and rolled myself a cigarette. Somewhere in the middle of the film, I started drinking a beer. I walked out onto the back deck, sat in the dark and smoked my stolen cigarette and drank my half empty bottle of beer. I hadn't had a smoke in so long my cig kept blowing out. I also don't think I roll cigarettes well. Like I said, it had been a while and will be again.
It was a cloudy night. I couldn't see any stars. On a clear night, New Zealand night skies are lit with boundless stars. I think I may have even seen the Milky Way a time or two. Sadly, that wasn't tonight.
Smoking in the cold is as familiar to me as the wooden floors of my family home.
I wondered about my friend Tedd. He's coming to New Zealand in September living here for a whole year. I wondered about what experiences he will have and if he would ever feel as lonely as I was when I smoking on the deck. He will have an indescribable time. I imagine him getting along with the guys in pubs, meeting other backpackers, drawing on napkins, laughter and then quiet nights staring at the stars surrounded by newness and people. He won't be set in one place. He'll be free to do as he pleases. Unlike me, he isn't waiting for someone to come back. I'm excited for Tedd. He's my friend.
I suppose I could just go to bed now. For most the day is over unless you are out partying, then your night is just beginning.
Oh well...so another one bites the dust and today was a "Sunday" Saturday.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
it's June and it's fall.
i never thought i would see autumn in June.
maybe 100ft. from my house is the entrance way to the Victoria Esplanade. there is a path that travels through a beautiful small section of the arboretum, filled with the sing song of flirty birds. in the Esplanade there is also a rose garden, large duck pond, bird aviary, and other lovely sights.
duck pond.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
four days down.
I have never been a fan of waking up early. But last night I set my alarm for 7am with one sole purpose - throw out the garbage. I woke up to my alarm without hesitation, hopped in my gum boots (rain boots), and walked the trash to the curb. I snuggled back into bed, fell asleep, and didn't wake up again until 12pm.
Finally awake and cognizant of the day (or what was left of it), I had an epiphany...I have no life. By this I mean, I spend most of my days doing absolutely nothing.
I've allowed myself to become the dreaded "vortex" and/or avoided "complainer." And honestly, that sucks major ass hole. I don't like what I feel like I've become. Sucking isn't fun; especially for those around you. (i'm sorry, V.) So these past few (4) days, I've been loving myself more. And I've been using the love of others to help me.
With most of my day gone and all of my friends (literally all of them) around the world, I managed to have a pretty good day. I spoke to some really good friends of mine whom I've lost a little bit of contact with. Learning about the on-goings with my friends' lives, their goals, aspirations, accomplishments, doubts -- well it didn't make me feel so alone. You never think just how much people can positively affect and encourage you, whether near or far. Even more so, how you yourself return the favor by also setting an example for others. Connecting with love ones reminded me of who I am and what I'm capable of. Thank you. Thank you very much. all of you.
I'm greasing the wheels on personal goals and some creative projects, including the reformation of this blog. cuidate.
Finally awake and cognizant of the day (or what was left of it), I had an epiphany...I have no life. By this I mean, I spend most of my days doing absolutely nothing.
"Nothing" - a cycle viciously influenced by passivity and satisfaction with existing solely on television, food, internet and recliner.
This realization has been made many times before, however, it was especially loud and clear today. Certain causal factors are external and uncontrollable like waiting for some one to hire you. However, when you realize that the only thing you aspire to do one day is to throw out the garbage, something must change. Something needs to change.I've allowed myself to become the dreaded "vortex" and/or avoided "complainer." And honestly, that sucks major ass hole. I don't like what I feel like I've become. Sucking isn't fun; especially for those around you. (i'm sorry, V.) So these past few (4) days, I've been loving myself more. And I've been using the love of others to help me.
With most of my day gone and all of my friends (literally all of them) around the world, I managed to have a pretty good day. I spoke to some really good friends of mine whom I've lost a little bit of contact with. Learning about the on-goings with my friends' lives, their goals, aspirations, accomplishments, doubts -- well it didn't make me feel so alone. You never think just how much people can positively affect and encourage you, whether near or far. Even more so, how you yourself return the favor by also setting an example for others. Connecting with love ones reminded me of who I am and what I'm capable of. Thank you. Thank you very much. all of you.
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